| cause youre the only song i want to hear.. |
[23 Mar 2006|08:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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death cab for cutie |
] |
i've been sick. still am. but i'm pretending not to be now.
i was in the hospital last night. it was scary.
so who is going to take me to see death cab for cutie? i wanna go.
i'd also like to hang out with my friends.
but they are too busy being stoned.
falling asleep. passing out.
is this what i've become?
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| shit. |
[06 Mar 2006|09:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
i am so unprepared to move in to my new apartment.
i've got to get it together. and by "it", i mean everything. my whole life at the moment. it's slipping out of my control. and i don't like it.
i wish i wasn't such a perfectionist. but i am. and i can't help it. at the same time, i wouldn't want to be apathetic and wasting my life away.
i'm so damn tired right now i can't even understand english. words don't even sound like words. just noise.
i can't function without sleep, man.
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| all the people you knew were the actors. |
[20 Feb 2006|03:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
dirty |
] |
so. i got two tattoos. that was fun. and hot. real good times. ask me about it sometimes.
why do i write in this?
i've been peer pressured into getting a myspace. ahhh! my individuality!
it's really cold outside, my throat is killing me, and i stink [along with all my clothes] like smoke.
but i did go and set up the lease for my new apartment today. so i'm not entirely unproductive. nope.
i'm getting the urge to cut my hair.
and play guitar!!
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| needle in the hay. |
[13 Feb 2006|06:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thirsty |
] |
so. huh.
i'm supposed to be in class right now. i took my quiz though and left. i'm a little tired of hearing lectures about things i learned 5 years ago. i thought this was college, not high school. geez.
bryan is so mad. i wish i gave a fuck. he has got to grow up. we haven't dated for months. he still isn't over it. i had the lovely austin over a few nights ago. bryan comes knocking on my door, ends up forcing his way in, sees austin. the whole time i'm threatening to call the cops. he can't just barge in my house! my personal life is none of his business, and at this point, i don't think i want him as a friend.
but more on austin. i guess he got kicked out of his mom's house, and i guess he'll be staying with me for a few days. i don't mind, i just wish things would go good for him. he deserves it.
stupid parents.
eric and cindy came in and ate today and i waited on them. yay! i love them. they were commenting on how great i look. hell, i FEEL great! i haven't had back problems since i quit merritt's, and i'm practically stress-free. it's nice. and it's nice to know that other people notice.
i can't be myself
i can't be myself
and i don't wanna talk
i'm taking the cure
so i can be quiet
whenever i want
you ought to be proud
that i'm getting good marks
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| dig me out. |
[06 Feb 2006|09:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pleased |
] |
ohhh. been busy.
- so i started college and that's cool. i feel like i've been waiting SIX years for this, but it's really only been like three.
- my job is still very comfy, and the money flow is unbelievable. boy, can i charm that money out of your wallet!
- also, bryan started working with me a couple weeks ago, and he likes it too. i'm happy he has a good job now, even if we are absolutely never dating again, but just friends.
- i'm getting ready to move into a beautiful apartment. i'm starting out with a brand new decor and i'm just so excited!
- me and evan are actually on friendly speaking terms. part of me wants to say i couldn't care less, but it's important for me to stay friends with him, even if it's on a small scale.
- i've realized how much things have changed just in a year. really. i'm happy with my life right now. a year ago... i was wondering how i was going to ever be content. things have rounded out nicely.
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| well, cowboy dan's a major player in the cowboy scene.. |
[04 Jan 2006|05:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
blah. a lot has happened.
i won $1000 at the casino on the 25-cent slots. the only explanation i have is that, good things happen to good people, and i've been on really good behavior. and that everybody "wants" me to win. i asked a ton of people if anyone they knew could win $1000, who would they deem the most deserving?
the stars from heaven shine down on me.
hehe.
but bad things have happened too. like i got totally dissed by someone who i thought was cool with me. and i actually didn't have ANY plans on new year's eve. i worked until 11:30, went home and called my mom and wished her a happy new year, and went to bed.
on the happy side, i made $200 for working dinner on new year's eve. everyone was really drunk and happy and slovenly. and everybody loves my sweet face.
and i had a bomb christmas!! i got shoes, a chi hair straightener, hard candy lip gloss, $25 to target, $25 to borders, $10 to bath and body, $25 to ULTA, a super cute fondue pot, new drinking glasses for the apartment [and they are SUPER HOT "on the rocks" style!], two beautiful scarfs, rosebud salve <3, new perfume, LOTSA CANDY, + andes mints, yum!! and the list goes on, plus, i haven't seen my dad yet. i'm going to see him tonight.
so with my newfound $1000, i'm gonna buy a computer, and put the rest in savings. and keep making BANK at my job [we're talking $400 a week for 25 hours work].
my hair is soooo long now. everyone should come see it. at work, i always wear it up in a ponytail, and a few nights ago, i was getting something to eat after i got off, and i took my hair down, and this mexican guy in the kitchen goes, "IS THAT YOUR REAL HAIR?! IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!" i had a good laugh. if you say that really loud in a broken english accent.. you'll laugh too.
oooh. and i also bought the Dalai Lama's book, "How to Practice : The Way to a Meaningful Life". he is such an incredible and inspiring person! i know this sounds too simple, but if everyone in the world followed his teachings.. we would truly live in peace!
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| a wild pack of family dogs.. |
[22 Dec 2005|06:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 refreshed |
] |
ugh! i had my first "walk-out" last night. i can't believe some people are desparate enough that they would walk out on a fucking restaurant tab. what assholes!
so. evan never really called me about our plans tonight. oh well. i figured there was about a 10% chance he actually would anyways. and bryan left town again this morning. thank god though. he can be really really clingy. i hadn't called him last night by 10:30 cause i was still screwing around with work stuff and so he drove up and sat in the parking lot waiting for me to walk out to my car. it scared the crap out of me. guh.
i can't believe i'm not done x-mas shopping! i feel so bad! i gotta go get that done tomorrow if i can.
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| i had a drink the other day.. opinions were like kittens i was givin' them away... |
[20 Dec 2005|03:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 relaxed |
] |
well. i spent the night at evan's house on saturday night. it was weird and strange and ok at the same time.
i really need to shower, but i'm so lazy right now. i don't wanna do a damn thing but relax.
the money flow is nice, for sure.
and bryan is back in town and treating me like a princess, taking me out to dinner and what not.
life's pretty decent.
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| you know... we need oxygen to breathe, oxygen to breathe.. |
[14 Dec 2005|04:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mellow |
] |
waiting tables really isn't hard work. i can't stand hearing people acting as if it is the hardest damn job in the world. hah! any general labor job blows it out of the water. my bakery job? geeeez. it's all these sheltered kids who still honestly think that there are jobs where you get paid to sit on your ass. so yeah, i feel bad for the people with "degrees" who are waiting tables still, cause in an ideal world that wouldn't be the case. but fuck, who majors in DANCE and expects to find a $50,000+ paying job [in TULSA!?!] as soon as they pop out of college? stop dreaming.
i'm happy with my job right now. i can't think of any other place i can work two hours and make $45. that's not bad, at least for me.
christmas is sneaking up on me!! every year i envision this perfect christmas where i can buy EVERYBODY EVERYTHING... and every year i end up not being able to buy it all. blah.
my mom said we really just need to win $1,000,000. i agree.
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| i don't want you to be alone down there.. |
[13 Dec 2005|03:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 rushed |
] |
oh yeah! bryan called from houston and said he'd been thinking and wants to get a NICE two bedroom apt. with me or would be willing to pay half of the payment if my dearest dad finances a house for me. that'd be cool. he has got to find a better job though and stop letting those crazy ipc assholes rape him.
i got to get ahold of my dad today. i hate when he pulls the, "YOU need to track ME down". sorry, but i have prior obligations, too.
damnit, i gotta get to the post office and i don't even know where one is.
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| i'm sorry. i cant fucking think of any modest mouse lyrics. hah. |
[13 Dec 2005|02:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
ugh. had the WEIRDEST motherfucking dream.
so i broke into my "ex-bestfriend" jessica's house. who i haven't even seen in beyond years. it was me and a bunch of people i never hang out with anymore. we broke in and just fucking chilled and i ended up making out with an ex-boyfriend on some bed and then everybody left. so i guess some REAL burglars break in and it's just me there and i'm scared and i'm hiding. but jessica and her mom come home and call the police and it's all cool. i'm not in trouble either. so i just walk away and i'm walking down the street looking at all these cool stores and telling myself i'll come back later and i end up in some run down old amusement park where everybody is getting drunk and i have this asian girl make me a REALLY good blue/green/yellow drink and it's yummy, but somehow things get busted up and we're all running from the cops and i barely make it out and i'm just walking again. in a really run-down part of town and i'm scared. so i call my friend kt and she comes and picks me up and lets me drive and there are ALL these pictures of me and my ex for some reason. and i'm driving reallllly fast and realllly reckless and i crash a few times until the car doesn't work and so we get out and we're walking AGAIN. and this time we are both really fucking scared cause it's like the slums and people are trying to grab us and shit. so i try to call evan [cause, haha, he DOES live in the fucking slums] to come get us and he won't, and i'm pissed. and some dude grabs kt and rapes her and i jump in this HUGE laundry basket and hide under all the clothes. so then it's morning and i hop out and walk to work, and i walk by all the stores with the cool shit and i tell myself i'll come back after work and get some shirts.
what sucks, is i'm usually really good at not getting scared in my dreams because i'm very aware that it is a dream. i think taking ny-quil is just knocking me on my ass, lol.
hm. i think i'm gonna take my sister shopping or something. i finally finally finally work again tomorrow. i feel so lame cause i haven't been working as much!
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| outside naked, shivering lookin' blue, from the cold sunlight that's reflected off the moon... |
[07 Dec 2005|09:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
coooold. it's snowing like you wouldn't believe, baby.
and my power went out. well. i had to take my 2 cats, hamster, and 4 snakes to my mom's so they don't freeze to death. and i'm here as well. and blah. i wish i wasn't, i guess. poor animals. i'm sorry for them, and just hoping i don't have a pipe break or something.
i need to smoke. and drink a beer. hah. the snow is bumming me out cause it's all romantic and i have nobody to hold. it's only 9:30.
i worked like.. two hours. it blows. i'm so broke right now. i bought a coat last night though, and damn! i'm so glad i bought that coat! it's cute and green and keeping me warm and it was 14$! am i a bargain goddess or what?!
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| from the top of the ocean, to the bottom of the sky.. |
[07 Dec 2005|02:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
giddy |
] |
 | You scored as Gunshot. Your death will be by gunshot, probably because you are some important person or whatever. Possibly a sniper, nice, quick, clean shot to the head. Just beautiful.
Gunshot | | 73% | Posion | | 67% | Suicide | | 67% | Natural Causes | | 53% | Disappear | | 53% | Disease | | 47% | Stabbed | | 40% | Suffocated | | 33% | Bomb | | 27% | Accident | | 27% | Drowning | | 27% | Eaten | | 27% | Cut Throat | | 13% | </td>
How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com |
hah. really though, i can see that being me in 20-something years. y'know, somebody wants to off me cause i know their biggest secrets and they just have me killed. i don't think anyone that knows me would be too terribly surprised. they'd say, "really? i knew she'd piss off the wrong person eventually."
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| stannnding in the tall grass.. |
[05 Dec 2005|02:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sleepy |
] |
lalala. did some work today, the guy i was training with tipped me out, so i'm happy. this job is so easy for me. everybody's pretty nice too.
i want my new earrings to come already!!
bryan's gone. last night i was doing something, and i suddenly wondered why he hadn't come over yet.. it bummed me out for a second. he's by far my best friend. the whole situation is weird right now though.
will somebody buy me a dyson vacuum for christmas? haha.
i've never loved my dad so much. sure, there's the unconditional love that i've always had for him, through thick and thin, but i really feel like our relationship is growing to be something much better than i ever expected.
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| waiting to bleed out on the big streets.. |
[30 Nov 2005|06:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
i quit my job at merritt's. yeahh.. i'd been there for almost two years. but.. at what point was i going to stop denying my unhappiness? not to mention the intense back and arm pain i was dealing with. everyone said it was "just me" "being stressed".. but guess what? my back feels 150% better. and wow, i forgot what getting more than 5 hours of sleep a night was like. it's nice, by the way.
bryan is leaving the 5th of december and won't be back till the morning of the 24th. booo. he has to train people in texas i guess. blah.
i start school in january. i m going for free. yay for that.
and as far as work, i got a job as a waitress @ red lobster. i'm optimistic about it.
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| if god controls the land and seas.. |
[20 Sep 2005|09:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nilch. |
] |
LJ Interests meme results
- being naked:
i'm a closet nudist. of course. everyone who's ever been with me knows.. that i walk around naked all the time. - breasts:
once said best by bryan, "everything wants to see a woman naked." - cotton candy:
the finest of all foods. like sweet insulation. - dykes:
what can i say? - hair:
hah, just a while ago, me and my mom were looking through old photos and there were probably 15 different hair colors i've had in the last 4-5 years. - learning:
there is always more to learn. more to know. - me:
i'm so vain. - people:
yet, as vain as i am.. i love other people. - sex:
ooh baby. my favorite pasttime. - stars:
i already have one star tattoo, and plan on some more. i just like 'em.
Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.
me and my mom were digging through photos of me, and there were some of me and austin that i'd never seen. i had bright green hair and he had on his work clothes and i was hanging on him all cute and sexy. my mom says, "i don't know what you saw in him."
"me neither."
but why. huh.
i missed work today. i'm sick with some crap. i got high all day.
bryan should be off work soon. i need some lovin'. now!!
his birthday is saturday [24]. i dunno what to get him. i have no $$$.
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| from the top of the ocean... |
[08 Sep 2005|06:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
silly |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the pillows |
] |
i had a bad day at work today. i hate being the only person to ever do the right thing. and i hate the fact that i'm ALWAYS in the position of "tattling" on someone. ALWAYS! sometimes i just wanna let shit slide. just not give a fuck, y'know?
my position is awkward.
i'm washing clothes. how exciting.
i start school in january. just to get my basics, blah blah blah. i guess it will give me something to do with my brain.
i feel like i'm getting dumb. like, now that i don't go to school, that i'm wasting my brain. is that weird? i can't just go to school forever. but somehow, i only feel smart when i'm in school.. "learning". and maybe i shouldn't smoke so much green.
ugh. i had a dream last night about this girl.. ok, she's a woman.. and it was so hot. but fuck, it was kinda creepy cause she has kids and she's married.. ahhh. but it was hot, none the less. i hope i look like her when i'm 30.
let's all make out!
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| this plane is definetely crashing! |
[01 Sep 2005|03:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
dirty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nothing. :( |
] |
i have had so many random thoughts today. i've had nobody to talk to cause my other half [aka heidi] is having her teeth pulled. ouch. so i've just been alone in my head all day. blahh.
randomness.
i ordered too many strawberries.. and i guess i'm kinda worried somebody will notice and be like, "wahwahwahwahwahwah!". soo. it sucks. i can't just.. make a huge strawberry pie or something. haha.
and this song.. who calder so sweetly put on a mix cd [that flows so well].. anyway... this song.. could not better describe the point i'm at.
i should have known you'd bid me farewell
there's a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very well
now I know you're not the only starfish in the sea
if I never hear your name again, it's all the same to me
and I think it's gonna be all right
yeah, the worst is over now
the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball
you never care for secrets I confide
for you I'm just an ornament, somethin' for your pride
always runnin', never carin', that's the life you live
stolen minutes of your time were all ya had to give
and I think it's gonna be all right
yeah, the worst is over now
the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball
the story's in the past with nothin' to recall
i've got my life to live and I don't need you at all
the roller-coaster ride we took is nearly at an end
i bought my ticket with my tears, that's all I'm gonna spend
and I think it's gonna be all right
yeah, the worst is over now
the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball
oh, oh, oh
i think it's gonna be all right
yeah, the worst is over now
the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball
yep.
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parfaitxamore's journal
optimistic
horny